Meet the Prof

In August, while all the other freshmen at the University of Missouri were learning their way around campus, getting their clothes ready and asking about the professors they would encounter, I was well into my secret life as a CIA agent, assigned to the U.S. Marine Corps.

I left home that summer and boarded a plane for Washington D.C. Although the CIA contributed much to my training over the next four years, the Corps trained and deployed me overseas in what later came to be called the “shadow warrior” program. Over the next four years, my work for the Marines took me around the globe several times. I carried out many missions in North Korea, many African countries, Spain, Iraq, China and the Philippines.

At first the violence of war surprised me, but I soon reached a time at which I was not surprised, nor disgusted by anything. I was able to detach myself from the violence and saw it simply as a by-product of war. I convinced myself with the assistance of both the CIA, who paid me, and the Marine Corp, who trained me, that what I was doing was extremely important to the success of democracy in the world.

I experienced a number of extremely dangerous situations, some of which became important in my later life. On one occasion during the Korean War I was caught in the open on a winter day by a roving North Korean ski patrol. At the time I was on skis, moving my location from one hiding place to another. Upon spotting me, the patrol immediately took pursuit. We began a race down the mountainside at near free fall speeds. I was suddenly airborne, over a cliff with a sheer drop off.

After a second, I gathered my focus and looked for a place to land. Below me were boulders and trees, but I was able to select a clear place to hit the snow. Upon striking the slope of the snow, I was immediately rocketed away from the cliff at break neck speed. Suddenly I heard gunfire and assumed that the patrol was shooting at me. Seeing no indication of passing bullets, I looked around. The Korean patrol had stopped at the top of the cliff and were clapping their hands and shooting their guns into the air. They were applauding the great ski jump that I had just made. The meaning of this event in my life today is that fortitude and focus can take you through what seems to be impossible situations in this life. The event also taught me something about honor among soldiers.

In another daytime encounter, I suddenly came upon a single Manchurian soldier at very short range. We were too close for anything but hand-to-hand combat. He pulled his bayonet and I my Marine issued K-bar knife that had been honed down for fighting purposes. With these weapons, teeth, nail, boots and bare hands in over a foot of snow, we fought a fight both knew was to the death.

After an all out effort, we both lay in the snow, totally exhausted. We watched each other, as both struggled to breathe. Understanding that the first one up would win, with great effort I stood up. I kicked his bayonet away, knelt down and gave him a hug. I then rose, picked up my gear and left. I had never encountered a battlefield soldier who was better than this man. He was too good to kill. I wonder to this day what has happened to him. This encounter reinforced my understanding that effort and application of one's skills to their utmost merit reward.

On campus, I obtained a student job and became a normal student in all aspects -- except that I rarely went home during vacation time. I was usually off on an assignment. I would often return with aches and pains from effort and direct trauma, which caused my friends some concern, but I could always provide a reasoned, satisfactory explanation of the trauma.

During my first full year on campus, I lived in a student dormitory and began to attend churches with my friends. I had never attended a church service before coming to the university, and held a curiosity about Christianity. I continually asked my friends why they attended a given church, why they believed that God inspired the Bible. I never received a satisfactory answer to my curiosity.

Although there is a great deal of interest in understanding ourselves, many people go to great lengths in attempts to escape the possibility of knowing themselves. They hide themselves behind addictions of work, drugs, alcohol, sports and other business that occupies their time in order to direct their attention away from the mystery residing within them. Every person is aware of the mystery and many simply don’t want to directly face its reality.

I continued to seek answers to these questions, all the time wondering why anyone would believe in a God who spoke to his people through a book with no basis for its authority except that a minister, a father or mother said so. God seemed a good idea to me, but I had never had a recognizable encounter with him and wasn't sure I would recognize one if it happened.

My search for answers to the basis of faith of Christians led me finally to the door of the rectory of the local Catholic Church. Father Kemper began to instruct me. He was able to provide an understanding of why I should be Catholic, but was not able to provide me with an experience of the reality of God's existence. I was baptized into the Catholic Church simply through an intellectual choice. God was still a good idea, but simply not real to me.

I married a Catholic, and began raising my children to be Catholic. Over the next 15 years, I lived as a pagan Catholic by routine, rather than from faith. I did all the things that Catholics do. I became a member of the parish council, the school board and attended Mass as was required. I enjoyed the fellowship of the church, but did not have a relationship with God. Because of this, my prayers were merely rote recitations, never a conversation with God.

I attended a three-day weekend retreat called a Cursillo. On the second day, I met God in the aisle of Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church in Kansas City, Missouri. I say that I met God --it is difficult to explain to one who has not had such an experience, but everything took place within a few seconds. Suddenly, I knew without a doubt that God was real.

In my training by CIA as a shadow warrior, I had been prepared to recognize the presence of a person, in the dark, even someone who was well hidden. It is difficult to explain how this is done, because it involves a sort of 6th sense. I knew that God was present as a person. In his presence, I was filled with a mixture of emotions, but a fusion of overwhelming joy and of extreme sadness come close. I had no doubt that this person was God, who revealed himself to me, simply because I had prepared myself to recognize his presence. The gift of faith satisfied the curiosity of my intellect. I knew that God was real. I had met him. I also knew that he had been with me all the time, and that I had not allowed his presence to become real to me.

After my meeting the Lord in Kansas City, I have spent the rest of my life to date studying the Bible and the history of Christianity in continual wonder at his patience with me, and the great gift of love he has for me.

During the past 42 years, I have taught as a professor in major universities, including Minnesota, Missouri and Oklahoma State. I have a great drive to learn more about the God of the scriptures, of his great love for me, and of how I might serve him. As a scientist I have studied the mysteries of life, death, time and space and in my faith I have come to realize the greatest mystery of God's creation is the human person. I understand that we are created individually and unique in order to reflect the glory of God in our individual way. Each person possesses great dignity. I am determined to serve that dignity.

In the shadow warrior years I directly experienced the evils of the world and the violence of man. I also came to the realization that I was capable of great violence and the rendering of evil to others. I am not surprised at the violence of man against man, but recognize it as a great mystery.

The evil of violence against another person presents a great conflict with my sure knowledge that each person is created by God to reveal His glory to the world. I have come to understand that evil comes from the heart of mankind and that we have the ability to make a decision to overcome the evil within ourselves, or to cooperate with it. I know that by myself, I could easily let it be a part of my life. With Christ as the focus of all that I do in my daily life, however, I know that I can overcome any evil, whether it comes from me, or from others.

During my years of teaching university students, I have prepared them to be successful in the world through what I could teach them about veterinary medicine and the veterinary profession. My major mission however, is one that I exercise both within the university community and within the community in which I live. This mission is to live the love of Christ in my everyday life. Through this mission I can assist in the alleviation of violence, suffering and overall evil of the world by loving others and helping them to come to know that Jesus loves them and because of his love they are loveable.